


Forgive Me

by sweetpotatopetrichor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Unrequited Love, basically a drabble of sev and lily?, idk how to tag, im gonna shut up now, this was my hw lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4586247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetpotatopetrichor/pseuds/sweetpotatopetrichor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That day would be the day, and though it would not be her who he would tell, it would be her son, he wanted the boy to understand, and maybe, just maybe, Lily would forgive him for all that he had done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgive Me

**Author's Note:**

> so i had to write fanfiction so my teacher could see what my writing style is like and i did this
> 
> how does one italic on ao3 tell me please  
> also, unbeta'd so...

"LEAVE! LEAVE THIS INSTANT!"

They were at it again, Severus realised with dread creeping onto his stomach. Rows of shouts were common in this household, he reckoned, but that didn't mean he would ever get used to or be able to ignore his parents shouting and insulting each other at the top of their lungs. Sometimes he wondered why they had bothered to be together in the first place, why live and have a child with someone you hate and would rather never see again? No one seemed to gain anything from this, not his witch mother, nor his muggle father, and certainly not he, himself, he thought bitterly.

Deciding to stay outside for some time more, as he did not want to go into the house and be dragged into the fight, he turned away from the door and back to the way he came from, and started walking aimlessly. From a distance, he heard the slam of a door, and reasoned that his father had left the house, most probably to drown his anger with alcohol. He would come back in the end though, either too drunk to care for anything at all or the opposite, so drunk that his anger had amplified by ten folds and even the sound of his wife and son breathing would see him seething with rage. Oh, how Severus wished that his father would leave for good and never come back at all...

Life wasn't fair, he supposed, and he regarded that as the most important thing he had learned in his ten years of living. Well, aside from the fact that he was a wizard and could do magic, unlike his /dear, loving/ father, he thought cheerfully and sullenly at the same time. Cheerful because he was able to do magic, sullen because his father was nothing close to dear nor loving, in fact as far as possible.

He had arrived back to the park, he realised. He had been too deep in his thoughts that he hadn't given any thought to where he was heading to. This park was where he was just playing with Lily, she had went home for lunch and so had he, but she had a proper home to return to while he did not. He sat down by the river and willed the hunger to go away all the while thinking about how they had met.

It was a day just like today; he had escaped from the house and the fights and come to this park, where he often saw a girl with red hair of his age. He had followed the trail towards the swings, all the while careful not to be seen. She was a witch, he knew. He had seen it with his eyes, the girl - Lily, he had heard her sister call her - showed signs of magic, but she hadn't seemed to realise what it meant. Severus had figured she was probably muggle-born (and later learned that he had been right), her sister seemed not to understand the signs at all. 

Perhaps it was loneliness that had made him so interested. With no proper family and no friends, he spent the days in idle solace, counting the days until he could finally go away from this place he was supposed to call home to Hogwarts, but that was two years away, a lifetime in a child's eyes. So he had taken to watch Lily, and somehow had started to think of a way to start a conversation and be friends.

The first meeting had been disastrous; he had gotten into a verbal fight with her sister, Petunia, and had been shouted at by Lily for making Petunia cry. His only saving point was that later Lily had been really curious about the magic he had told her and found him to ask about it, and from there their friendship had stemmed.

If he was to be honest, his current feelings for Lily were more than simple friendship, not that he would ever confess. It was a platonic, one-sided love, he knew, he would try hard to make it requited though. He loved seeing her smile, it was so bright and warm with a dimple to go with it. Her laugh he loved more, a hundred tiny bells chiming in the wind to make one great symphony, a kind yet strong sound.

"Severus? Hey, Sev wake up."

"Huh..?"

He had fallen asleep. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, trying to ignore the sting of brightness, only to find the face of Lily looking at him. She was so close he realised, for a moment everything faded but for her face and he lost himself in those almond-shaped jade-green, gentle eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lily chuckled, and the spell Severus was under of broke and woke him up.

"Like what?" He replied back, hoping that he hadn't been too awkward just now, a slight blush dusting his cheeks in embarrassment.

"Like you just saw an angel and couldn't believe your eyes."

/Because I did. Because I'm still seeing one now, in front of me. I'm seeing you./

"You're seeing things. It was just the shock of being woken up." He shrugged.

He would tell her eventually, but that day wasn't anytime soon. It wasn't the day they were sorted into rivalling houses, and it wasn't in the next few years either. It wasn't when Lily had shared her thoughts on Dark Arts with him, and at the end of their fifth year, he had not only lost his chance at ever telling her, he had also ruined and lost their whole friendship.

It might have been just a word.

But /Mudblood/ was too strong an insult to be forgiven.

So the years had seen them grow apart, for him to join Lord Voldemort's circle, and for her to fight against him with her husband, Potter.

And a decade later, after treasons and betrayals, secrecy and deaths, he found her eyes, those sparkly green eyes, looking back at him once again, and for a moment he went back to when they were just kids who played next to the river and dreamed of castles and spells, to the day when he had almost told her that he loved him but didn't, only to be woken up by the harsh reality that she was dead and it was her son who was the splitting image of his father that was looking at him, the man who he had detested. It was a punishment for insulting her like that so many years ago, he knew.

Seven years later, at the brink of his death, he would find the same boy at his head, now a man, and he would ask of him to look at him so he could see those eyes he loved once more, before he slept an eternal sleep.

That day would be the day, and though it would not be her who he would tell, it would be her son, he wanted the boy to understand, and maybe, just maybe, Lily would forgive him for all that he had done.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh... i dont hate Snape but i dont like him either. Like yeah, i feel bad for his past and the fact that he didnt rreceive any love as a child etc, like he did get his fair amount of neglect, but bullying students arent nice either..
> 
> yeah...


End file.
